Full Catastrophe Living: Finding Sanity in the Modern World
| The central theme of Full Catastrophe Living is of mindfulness. It is the mental and emotional activity going on beneath the surface that drains our energy and can be an obstacle to experiencing stillness and contentment in one’s life. Stillness and contentment seem to be such simple concepts, and yet they are often very difficult to achieve in a modern fast-paced society. Kabat-Zinn explains that although mindfulness is not the “answer” to all of the problems of life, it provides the means to see these problems with a clear mind (25). |
According to this book, the foundation of mindfulness practice is non-judging, patient, trusting, non-striving, and accepting. Thinking briefly about these qualities, I can see where I have missed the mark with regards to my relationship with yoga.
Rather than being an impartial witness to my own experiences (33), I am often judgmental with myself, labeling, categorizing, and reacting. According to Kabat-Zinn, this behavior is locking me into mechanical reactions (33). Letting go of these automatic and enslaving judgments liberates us from the tyranny of our own prejudices and fears. My self-judgment often makes its way into my yoga practice. I find myself troubled that others appear to sail through their practice with ease and grace while I am struggling to remain erect. I am filled with disparaging emotions and often feel like “giving up”, which makes no sense because yoga is not a competition.
Although I recognize the wisdom of patience, I am not always a practitioner of it. My rational and logical mind accepts the fact that sometimes things must simply unfold in their own time (34), and yet I am often discontent and impatient with myself, others, and the world in general. My lack of patience is tied to my self-judgment on the mat. Rather than accepting and loving myself in the place that I am, I am impatient with my lack of upper body strength, impatient with my inability to successfully master balancing asanas, rather than acknowledging the fact that I may not be strong enough and that this strength may simply need time to develop.
I have made great strides with regards to self-trust over the past several years, but I am yet having some difficulty – especially in terms of making mistakes. The book instructs that it is better to trust in your own authority and intuition (and to make some mistakes along the way) than to look outside of yourself for guidance (36). I admit that I am still uncomfortable with the prospect of “making mistakes” but I realize that perhaps I am looking at this the wrong way. The only mistake I can make in yoga is to not trust my intuition and inner guidance. If I enter into a posture that I am not really for or do not have the strength to maintain, I need to listen to my body and either exit the pose or simply accept the fact that I might fall – and learn to do so.
The quality of non-striving is one of my greatest challenges. I’m a striver. I’m an achiever. I thrive on accomplishment and purpose. Ultimately, the act of mindfulness [meditation] is non-doing (37) and, in a sense, I have difficulty with this concept. I am a goal-oriented, focused person with the need for achievement and accolade. Often I find it challenging to really believe that yoga is not a competition – that there is no “right” or “wrong” answer/way, as long as the body is being honoured. Therefore, I recognize the fact that I need to learn to leave my striving nature off the mat.
Of all of these challenging qualities, I find acceptance to be the most difficult. Sometimes I do have a willingness to see things the way they really are, but other times I feel as though I am a horse wearing blinders. I often don’t accept my body as it currently is, wishing to have greater strength or flexibility, greater balance, etc. Instead, I need to accept a non-judging attitude toward where I currently am – embrace patience, self-trust and a non-striving/non-competitive nature and simply accept the place where I am. I can relate to the cardiologist who realized that his whole life was spent trying to get somewhere else – using the present time to achieve results that would bring him what he wanted in the future (130). I have difficulty appreciating the present for what it is, and in changing this, I believe I will have a greater appreciation and love for each moment and be able to enjoy yoga more for exactly what it is – being without doing. “Life only unfolds in moments. The healing power in mindfulness lies in living each one as fully as we can.” (173)
In conclusion, this book has primarily shown me what I need to do to change my relationship with myself on the mat in order to better understand the challenges and struggles that others may experience. Having a sound self-knowledge and awareness is paramount to being able to instruct and support others on the same journey and I feel that Full Catastrophe Living has been instrumental in demonstrating the areas in which I need to be gentle with myself on this journey.
